Strawberry Harvest...

It truly is the simple blessings that bring the most joy to life, like precious children, beautiful sunny mornings, and home grown strawberries.

Nine...

Today, our first born son turns nine years old!  Time truly is flying by.  To celebrate his birthday, he chose to go roller skating with his cousin, a fruity pebble rice crispy treat, and dinner at Famous Dave's.  I love this boy more than I can express and am so proud of the kind, sweet, helpful, thoughtful, young boy he has become.  Happy birthday, Owen!

Tucker let Owen try out his Heelys.  Owen and Silas now desperately want them.  Problem is, they are kind of a city toy.  Not very many places they would work out here in the sticks.


Enjoying some time playing with his new presents after school:

Mother's Tea...

Today, I had the special privilege of attending a Mother's Tea at school with Silas.  I LOVE getting to spend time with my boys one at a time.  Silas was a little hesitant when he realized he would be the only boy in attendance at the tea party, but he mustered up the courage (maybe because his teacher offered him a candy bar if he did a really good job) and was quite the little gentleman. He served me my juice and cookies, drew a picture of me for me, and made me a beautiful necklace.  I cried.  I love this sweet boy so much, and it was such a treat to spend such special time with him.  I often wish I had more opportunities to spend alone time with each of my kiddos.  But I also know that siblings are a huge blessing in life and am thankful that we will soon have four children.  Makes me cherish the alone time with them that much more!

Nice smile, huh?

There.  That's more like it.  Man, I love that kid!

Making our way back to normal...

Let me just say, it feels SO SO good to be able to do normal life again.  But I also have to say, it has been SO SO exhausting!  I mean, being pregnant with your fourth child and chasing around three little boys (including an oh-so-two-year-old) is pretty hard work on its own.  But add to that having spent nine weeks sitting still, and it is no simple task getting myself back into a somewhat normal mode.  To be honest, I feel exactly like I did when I was nine months pregnant with the others.  And I still have three really hot months to go!  Wish me luck.  Seriously, though.  I am incredibly thankful to even have the opportunity to live my life again while still pregnant with this precious baby.  So I will gladly endure three more hot, exhausting months if it means I get to hold my baby girl in my arms in the end.

In somewhat related news, Ezra is now officially in a big boy bed.  We are getting all of the kids' rooms switched around and the crib has made its way into the nursery.  So far, he has done pretty well with the adjustment. 

In other not so related news, our Iceberg rose hedge is in full bloom and it is unbelievable.  These photos truly don't do it justice.  These bushes are taller than C.J.'s truck and they are absolutely covered in blossoms.  Wish you could see them in person:

There are no words...

Ok, maybe there are words but none of them seem to do justice to the awe I am feeling right now at how good God is!  Today, I went in for my 24 week check up.  On Monday, I had an MRI done to look more closely at the placenta to see exactly how it is attached and how extensive the separation is.  I also had an ultrasound done yesterday to check baby's growth.  At my last ultrasound three weeks ago, she was measuring in the 14th percentile for overall size. The goal was to keep her from dropping below the 10th percentile, a situation which would have required weekly ultrasounds with new doctors at a high risk clinic.  Well this morning, my doctor went over the results of all of these tests with me.  And guess what?  Our baby truly is a miracle! She is now measuring in the 50th percentile for size.  Did that register?  She went from the 14th percentile to the 50th in just three short weeks!  As for the MRI results and the ultrasound, they no longer see any damage to the placenta.  In fact, I think the MRI report said something along the lines of "there is no evidence of any damage to the placenta."  Did that register?  No damage visible.  People, this does not happen.  After the devastating 15 week ultrasound, my doctor told me there was a 10% chance baby would survive.  The damage to the placenta would not heal.  The hope was that the new growth of the placenta would sustain baby's life, but the part that had separated would shrivel up and look calcified should she make it to full term.  Right now, the placenta looks perfectly normal.  I can't even begin to describe how amazed I am at God's protection of this little life.  And I can't really grasp how perfectly He designed our bodies.  To be able to recover from something so dire and to not only protect the baby inside of me, but to allow her to grow and thrive under such conditions is amazing.  I am truly in awe.   Do you know what this means?  NO MORE BED REST!!  As long as she continues to grow at a good rate and there is no more bleeding, my doctor thinks I can safely resume a normal life (within reason).  I still have to take it easy and can't do any strenuous exercise, but she thinks I can safely take care of my boys by myself!  Oh man.  You have NO idea how amazing that feels!  I think we all (including all of our family members who have been taking care of my entire life for me) need normal life back more than we realized.  It's hard to not want to tackle everything at once, though.  I am going to have to force myself to slowly ease back into things.  But even using the stairs on my way out of the doctor's office and coming home and doing a load of laundry and sweeping my house feels like a huge treat!  So now, we pray that she continues to grow and we don't have any further bleeding or complications.  But I am praising God for His incredible blessing and protection.  He has blown me away!

Here, take a peek at our beautiful daughter:

Also, take a peek at the growing (thankfully!)  baby bump:


P.S. Every time I look at that picture of myself, I can't help but think that the combination of the mirror and iPhone is a bit misleading.  I don't look nearly that tall or trim in real life.  You can always tell by the sideways fingers.  When they look extra short and stubby sideways, you know the image is being lengthened somehow.  But really, it's probably better that way.  No pregnant mama needs a mirror that makes her look shorter and wider than she is.  ;)  

Early Morning Blessings...

Friends...

This weekend we were blessed by a visit from two of my dearest friends from college and their little ones.  I lived with Marla my first two years in the dorms, and then lived with Megan in a house off campus my last two years.  These girls are so special to me.  No matter how much time goes by between visits, we are always able to pick up right where we left off.  It was so much fun to get to see all of our little ones running around together for a few days.  And I also need to say, they were SUCH good sports about their hostess being on bed rest.  I didn't do any of the normal cooking, cleaning, or prepping I typically would have done, but we had fun just the same.  (Fortunately my mom washed sheets and scrubbed a few bathrooms.  Thanks for coming to the rescue, mom!) Girls, it was such a joy to get to catch up!  Let's not let it be another five years before we make it happen again!

A Dream Come True...

I have dreamt my entire life of having a daughter.  When people would ask me at the beginning of this pregnancy if I was hoping for a girl, my response was "I don't just want a daughter, I ache for a daughter!"  And I am still having a hard time grasping that this sweet, precious baby really is a girl.  Considering the circumstances, I am still a little bit guarded.  Part of my heart is bursting with joy inside of me , and part of me is scared.  I want this baby girl so badly.  I want to hold her, and raise her, and have my daughter with me here on this earth.  But, there is still a chance we could lose her.  Every day I have to put her in God's hands once again.  I pray over and over and over that He will protect her life, but ultimately I have to choose to put my hope in who God is, not in a good outcome.   Don't get me wrong. I definitely do hope for a good outcome.  And like I said before, I have come to a place where I plan on having a healthy, full-term baby.  There is no sense fearing and planning on the worst case scenario.  After all, our baby girl is already a fighter and a miracle.  So with that, I thought I would share with you a few darling purchases I have made in preparation for her arrival.  I mean, a mama who has been waiting her entire life to have a daughter has to have a little fun, right?

P.S. These would look a lot cuter if I had ironed them, but ironing isn't really one of the essential tasks that one is allowed to do while on bed rest.  The pictures really don't do them justice.  So what you get here is a straight-out-of-the-box look.  It suffices.

P.P.S.  The darling little white dress and sandals were actually a gift from my sister-in-law.  She obviously knows me well.  I adore them!

Bullseye...

Miracles...

I honestly never really thought I would get to say this, but "It's a girl!!!!"  And I am oh-so incredibly thankful!  God has blessed us with three amazing sons and now we get to enjoy the miracle of a daughter, too.  It still seems a little bit surreal!

For now, our precious baby girl looks healthy.  She is measuring quite small, but that is not at all surprising under the circumstances.  One of the risks with placental abruption is that the baby will not grow as she should because the placenta is not providing the same nourishment that a normal placenta would be.  But for now, she looks ok and I am praising God for that.  They will have to monitor her growth pretty closely from now on.  I will also need to have an MRI to get a more in depth look at the placenta.  There remain risks and I will have to be on bed rest until at least 34 weeks, but I am praising God that He has brought us this far!  It is a miracle that our precious daughter has survived until this point and looks healthy, and I pray constantly that God will continue to protect this little life He created.

Gone Camping...

Owen, Oliver, and Holland pitched a tent in the weeds yesterday and spent a good chunk of the day doing who knows what in it.  It was quite picturesque.  (photo courtesy of Alli)

When Auntie Allison tells Ezra it's time to change his diaper...

When brothers get along...

it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Scenes from bed rest: Mobile edition...

This afternoon, I decided to join my family on an adventure to see Uncle Donny's goats.  I mean, if I can sit in the living room, why not sit in the car and go for a drive?  And let me just say, it was SUCH a wonderful adventure, even if I did just watch from the car.  To get out of the house and enjoy this glorious Saturday afternoon with my boys was exactly what I needed!

As I walked to the car, I discovered what Silas had been working on during Ezra's nap:

The purple mustard is in full bloom right now, and it is beautiful.  Too bad our field of weeds couldn't look like this year round:


Just me and the babe hanging out in the car:






Betcha can't even see Silas, huh?

Two Things...

1.  This morning I thought about the fact that I have now been on bed rest for over five weeks.  I felt a huge sense of accomplishment, like "Oh man, I'm almost there!"  And then I realized I have, potentially, 20 weeks left.  What?!?!?

2.  My boys have been gone all week since it is spring break and I can't take care of them by myself.  They have been in Seattle where my mom and siblings have very graciously taken care of them for me.  Thanks so much, guys!  But what did I do to pass the sheer boredom while alone at my house all week?  Shop online.  Dude.  Trouble!  I don't even officially know yet if this baby is a boy or girl or if it will survive, and yet I have made (ahem) a couple of purchases.  If my family doesn't come back soon, I might need an intervention!

Random...

I pulled a few images off of my phone from this week that I thought were worth keeping:

Clearly, my permissible trips to the bathroom have sometimes turned into trips out to the back deck or to the entryway mirror.  But I'm still spending 23 hours 55 minutes every day sedentary, so I think I'm good.  You really ought to try that some time.  Actually, no you shouldn't.  I'm pretty sure I have officially lost every ounce of muscle I have ever built up.  I'm also pretty sure my heart is going to shrivel up and stop working soon.  I have NO idea how I am going to rebuild strength and stamina after this.  It kinda makes me laugh really hard to think that I ran a half marathon last June.  Oh man! I'll just be glad if I can walk a block without passing out when this is said and done.  But there are people who recover from much worse, so I'm sure I'll be fine.  At least that's what I am going to keep telling myself.

I may regret the decision, but...

I ordered a rug for the baby's room!  There are two potential problems with this.  First, we don't officially know if the baby is a boy or girl yet.  At both of the last two ultrasounds, two different technicians guessed the same gender, so I have hunch what the baby might be.  However, it was still a bit early to tell for sure so I won't be totally convinced until we (hopefully) get another really good look at the 21 week ultrasound.  The second potential problem with this purchase is that I don't even know yet if we are going to get to bring this baby home.  But you know what? I have come to a point where I am going to plan on having this sweet baby until I have to deal otherwise.  There is no point sitting around here being depressed and fearing the worst.  If I have to mourn the loss of this child at some point, I will.  Until then, I am going to assume that God is going to continue to protect this precious life.  So, I bought a rug.  Mostly because I had been eyeing it for a while and it went on sale today, and I wasn't sure if the sale would last for another two weeks.  When we find out if it is officially a boy or girl, I will post a picture of the rug.  Wouldn't want to spoil it before then! 

Scenes from bed rest...

Sometimes, when you are on bed rest and Grandma has been on duty since 7:00 am and Daddy isn't coming home until super late because he is out to a business dinner, you turn on a movie for the boys after dinner so that Grandma can clean up the pasta that is all over the floor in relative peace.  And guess what, everyone loves the result.

It's too quiet today...

Today, I am at my house alone.  This is the first day I have been alone since I was put on strict bed rest almost four weeks ago.  And I can't tell you how wonderful a normal day sounds.  Doing laundry, sweeping, getting groceries, snuggling Ezra for nap time, prepping for dinner, getting the boys snacks after school, going for a walk, etc.  It's funny how a few months ago I would have given anything to spend an entire day at home by myself, and now I would give anything to return to normal life.  The grass is always greener, no?  But some day life will return back to normal.  I will eventually take care of my children, my home, my husband, and my yard by myself again.  And until then, I really should cherish this bit of a break, even if the circumstances are not ideal.  So with that, I will take this opportunity to lay out a few more details of this pregnancy.

At nine weeks, I had my first ultrasound.   This ultrasound revealed that I had a sub chorionic hemorrhage, which is essentially a pocket of blood trapped behind the placenta.  I don't know the exact percentage (because I am trying really hard to not research any of this online so as to avoid unnecessary paranoia), but a sub chorionic hemorrhage almost always corrects itself with no issues, particularly if the baby has a strong heartbeat, which ours did.  My doctor told me to expect some brown spotting and it would likely be no big deal.  Because that's usually what happens.

At twelve weeks, I started bleeding.  Heavily.  The first day it started I thought maybe it was just a really bad version of the brown spotting I was told to expect.  By the second day, we were at the emergency room.  I truly thought I had lost the baby.  They did an ultrasound in the emergency room, and it revealed that our little baby still had a heartbeat.  I was reassured by the emergency room doctor that I could continue my daily walks and normal life.  However, the bleeding continued.

At fourteen weeks, I had another ultrasound.  At this point, my doctor thought that the hemorrhage looked a bit better via ultrasound, but she was concerned that I was still bleeding so heavily.  I didn't actually see her that day, she just called and we talked over the results of the ultrasound on the phone.  I was scheduled to see her again and have another ultrasound at sixteen weeks. She mentioned that she wanted to check my cervix at the next appointment.  It was at this point that she told me I needed to really try to take it easy.  No more going for walks, no more lifting Ezra into his car seat or crib, no more strenuous chores.  I spent the next couple of days trying really hard not to google anything related to cervical issues during pregnancy.  But then I caved.  I researched an incompetent cervix and started to panic.  I wasn't supposed to see my doctor for another two weeks, and if the issue was in fact an incompetent cervix, the sooner the problem was detected, the better.  I felt like I couldn't wait two more weeks.  So, I called and requested that we look into the issue sooner rather than later.  I was scheduled for an ultrasound at the hospital two days later.

At fifteen weeks, I had said ultrasound.  C.J. was out of town on a business trip, so I was alone for this appointment.  Remember, the purpose for this ultrasound was to check the cervix since the hemorrhage was looking better but the bleeding continued.  I laid on the table and watched my precious baby's heart beat away and watched that little one kick and squirm all over the place.  However, the ultrasound tech kept saying odd things like, "You are handling this so well!" And, "Your cervix looks great!" (which is only concerning because I know they are not supposed to tell you anything themselves.  Any critical information must come from the doctor.)  I knew something was suspicious when she said she needed to run the results by her supervising doctor before she could let me leave.  I waited no more than a minute before she came back and told me to wait in the lobby.  Her supervising doctor wanted to call my doctor with the results before they would let me leave.  At this point, I knew something was terribly wrong.  They NEVER give you results that quickly.  It's usually me calling to pester them to see if the results have come back yet.  Not this time.  The ultrasound tech came back to tell me the doctor there had spoken to my doctor, and that I was free to go.  My doctor would be calling with the results.  I hadn't even made it out of the hospital hallway before my phone rang.  It was my doctor.  And it was devastating.

She told me that things really, really did not look good.  There was extensive damage to the placenta. It looked like the placenta was trying to completely detach.  She said that placental abruption is often difficult to detect via ultrasound, and they could see substantial separation in mine.  She told me I needed to go home and be on strict bed rest.  It was very, very likely I would lose the baby.  At best, she told me there was maybe a 10% chance the baby would survive.  My heart broke.  If, by a miracle, the baby hung on until 24 weeks, I would likely have to go to Seattle and be on hospital bed rest until something happened.

I somehow managed to drive myself home from the hospital and sobbed.  And my family came to the rescue.  Mom and Sherrie and Allison started rearranging their schedules so that they could take care of absolutely everything for me.  My job was to sit still and, most likely, wait for my body to let go of my baby.  That night, the bleeding stopped. Completely.  I had been bleeding heavily for a solid three and a half weeks, but that night it just stopped.  And I have not bled at all since that night.  Call it coincidence, call it a result of bedrest, but I believe God heard and answered the countless prayers being said for our baby.  Do I know what He ultimately has is store for this baby?  No.  I could still lose this baby at any moment.  But I know that my God is good, that He loves us, and that He is the creator of life.  He may still allow us to lose this baby, but today I am thankful for the miracle He has performed in this baby's life already.  Tomorrow, I will be 19 weeks.  At 21 weeks, I have another ultrasound scheduled.  Four weeks ago, I didn't think I'd ever get to say that I am 19 weeks.  And I especially didn't think that 21 weeks would seem not that far away.   I'm still praying for my baby and praying for a miracle.   But I have peace that, no matter the outcome, God has a plan that is good. 

He is Risen!

We had a wonderful day celebrating the resurrection of our Savior!  I decided it was acceptable to slightly alter "bed rest" for the day, considering that it is Easter Sunday.  We went to church, and then spent the day at Bob and Sherrie's.  It was wonderful!  It was so refreshing to get to spend the day with family and to curl up on somebody else's couch.  Today's version of bed rest was actually quite enjoyable!  Happy Easter!