Today, I am at my house alone. This is the first day I have been alone since I was put on strict bed rest almost four weeks ago. And I can't tell you how wonderful a normal day sounds. Doing laundry, sweeping, getting groceries, snuggling Ezra for nap time, prepping for dinner, getting the boys snacks after school, going for a walk, etc. It's funny how a few months ago I would have given anything to spend an entire day at home by myself, and now I would give anything to return to normal life. The grass is always greener, no? But some day life will return back to normal. I will eventually take care of my children, my home, my husband, and my yard by myself again. And until then, I really should cherish this bit of a break, even if the circumstances are not ideal. So with that, I will take this opportunity to lay out a few more details of this pregnancy.
At nine weeks, I had my first ultrasound. This ultrasound revealed that I had a sub chorionic hemorrhage, which is essentially a pocket of blood trapped behind the placenta. I don't know the exact percentage (because I am trying really hard to not research any of this online so as to avoid unnecessary paranoia), but a sub chorionic hemorrhage almost always corrects itself with no issues, particularly if the baby has a strong heartbeat, which ours did. My doctor told me to expect some brown spotting and it would likely be no big deal. Because that's usually what happens.
At twelve weeks, I started bleeding. Heavily. The first day it started I thought maybe it was just a really bad version of the brown spotting I was told to expect. By the second day, we were at the emergency room. I truly thought I had lost the baby. They did an ultrasound in the emergency room, and it revealed that our little baby still had a heartbeat. I was reassured by the emergency room doctor that I could continue my daily walks and normal life. However, the bleeding continued.
At fourteen weeks, I had another ultrasound. At this point, my doctor thought that the hemorrhage looked a bit better via ultrasound, but she was concerned that I was still bleeding so heavily. I didn't actually see her that day, she just called and we talked over the results of the ultrasound on the phone. I was scheduled to see her again and have another ultrasound at sixteen weeks. She mentioned that she wanted to check my cervix at the next appointment. It was at this point that she told me I needed to really try to take it easy. No more going for walks, no more lifting Ezra into his car seat or crib, no more strenuous chores. I spent the next couple of days trying really hard not to google anything related to cervical issues during pregnancy. But then I caved. I researched an incompetent cervix and started to panic. I wasn't supposed to see my doctor for another two weeks, and if the issue was in fact an incompetent cervix, the sooner the problem was detected, the better. I felt like I couldn't wait two more weeks. So, I called and requested that we look into the issue sooner rather than later. I was scheduled for an ultrasound at the hospital two days later.
At fifteen weeks, I had said ultrasound. C.J. was out of town on a business trip, so I was alone for this appointment. Remember, the purpose for this ultrasound was to check the cervix since the hemorrhage was looking better but the bleeding continued. I laid on the table and watched my precious baby's heart beat away and watched that little one kick and squirm all over the place. However, the ultrasound tech kept saying odd things like, "You are handling this so well!" And, "Your cervix looks great!" (which is only concerning because I know they are not supposed to tell you anything themselves. Any critical information must come from the doctor.) I knew something was suspicious when she said she needed to run the results by her supervising doctor before she could let me leave. I waited no more than a minute before she came back and told me to wait in the lobby. Her supervising doctor wanted to call my doctor with the results before they would let me leave. At this point, I knew something was terribly wrong. They NEVER give you results that quickly. It's usually me calling to pester them to see if the results have come back yet. Not this time. The ultrasound tech came back to tell me the doctor there had spoken to my doctor, and that I was free to go. My doctor would be calling with the results. I hadn't even made it out of the hospital hallway before my phone rang. It was my doctor. And it was devastating.
She told me that things really, really did not look good. There was extensive damage to the placenta. It looked like the placenta was trying to completely detach. She said that placental abruption is often difficult to detect via ultrasound, and they could see substantial separation in mine. She told me I needed to go home and be on strict bed rest. It was very, very likely I would lose the baby. At best, she told me there was maybe a 10% chance the baby would survive. My heart broke. If, by a miracle, the baby hung on until 24 weeks, I would likely have to go to Seattle and be on hospital bed rest until something happened.
I somehow managed to drive myself home from the hospital and sobbed. And my family came to the rescue. Mom and Sherrie and Allison started rearranging their schedules so that they could take care of absolutely everything for me. My job was to sit still and, most likely, wait for my body to let go of my baby. That night, the bleeding stopped. Completely. I had been bleeding heavily for a solid three and a half weeks, but that night it just stopped. And I have not bled at all since that night. Call it coincidence, call it a result of bedrest, but I believe God heard and answered the countless prayers being said for our baby. Do I know what He ultimately has is store for this baby? No. I could still lose this baby at any moment. But I know that my God is good, that He loves us, and that He is the creator of life. He may still allow us to lose this baby, but today I am thankful for the miracle He has performed in this baby's life already. Tomorrow, I will be 19 weeks. At 21 weeks, I have another ultrasound scheduled. Four weeks ago, I didn't think I'd ever get to say that I am 19 weeks. And I especially didn't think that 21 weeks would seem not that far away. I'm still praying for my baby and praying for a miracle. But I have peace that, no matter the outcome, God has a plan that is good.
At nine weeks, I had my first ultrasound. This ultrasound revealed that I had a sub chorionic hemorrhage, which is essentially a pocket of blood trapped behind the placenta. I don't know the exact percentage (because I am trying really hard to not research any of this online so as to avoid unnecessary paranoia), but a sub chorionic hemorrhage almost always corrects itself with no issues, particularly if the baby has a strong heartbeat, which ours did. My doctor told me to expect some brown spotting and it would likely be no big deal. Because that's usually what happens.
At twelve weeks, I started bleeding. Heavily. The first day it started I thought maybe it was just a really bad version of the brown spotting I was told to expect. By the second day, we were at the emergency room. I truly thought I had lost the baby. They did an ultrasound in the emergency room, and it revealed that our little baby still had a heartbeat. I was reassured by the emergency room doctor that I could continue my daily walks and normal life. However, the bleeding continued.
At fourteen weeks, I had another ultrasound. At this point, my doctor thought that the hemorrhage looked a bit better via ultrasound, but she was concerned that I was still bleeding so heavily. I didn't actually see her that day, she just called and we talked over the results of the ultrasound on the phone. I was scheduled to see her again and have another ultrasound at sixteen weeks. She mentioned that she wanted to check my cervix at the next appointment. It was at this point that she told me I needed to really try to take it easy. No more going for walks, no more lifting Ezra into his car seat or crib, no more strenuous chores. I spent the next couple of days trying really hard not to google anything related to cervical issues during pregnancy. But then I caved. I researched an incompetent cervix and started to panic. I wasn't supposed to see my doctor for another two weeks, and if the issue was in fact an incompetent cervix, the sooner the problem was detected, the better. I felt like I couldn't wait two more weeks. So, I called and requested that we look into the issue sooner rather than later. I was scheduled for an ultrasound at the hospital two days later.
At fifteen weeks, I had said ultrasound. C.J. was out of town on a business trip, so I was alone for this appointment. Remember, the purpose for this ultrasound was to check the cervix since the hemorrhage was looking better but the bleeding continued. I laid on the table and watched my precious baby's heart beat away and watched that little one kick and squirm all over the place. However, the ultrasound tech kept saying odd things like, "You are handling this so well!" And, "Your cervix looks great!" (which is only concerning because I know they are not supposed to tell you anything themselves. Any critical information must come from the doctor.) I knew something was suspicious when she said she needed to run the results by her supervising doctor before she could let me leave. I waited no more than a minute before she came back and told me to wait in the lobby. Her supervising doctor wanted to call my doctor with the results before they would let me leave. At this point, I knew something was terribly wrong. They NEVER give you results that quickly. It's usually me calling to pester them to see if the results have come back yet. Not this time. The ultrasound tech came back to tell me the doctor there had spoken to my doctor, and that I was free to go. My doctor would be calling with the results. I hadn't even made it out of the hospital hallway before my phone rang. It was my doctor. And it was devastating.
She told me that things really, really did not look good. There was extensive damage to the placenta. It looked like the placenta was trying to completely detach. She said that placental abruption is often difficult to detect via ultrasound, and they could see substantial separation in mine. She told me I needed to go home and be on strict bed rest. It was very, very likely I would lose the baby. At best, she told me there was maybe a 10% chance the baby would survive. My heart broke. If, by a miracle, the baby hung on until 24 weeks, I would likely have to go to Seattle and be on hospital bed rest until something happened.
I somehow managed to drive myself home from the hospital and sobbed. And my family came to the rescue. Mom and Sherrie and Allison started rearranging their schedules so that they could take care of absolutely everything for me. My job was to sit still and, most likely, wait for my body to let go of my baby. That night, the bleeding stopped. Completely. I had been bleeding heavily for a solid three and a half weeks, but that night it just stopped. And I have not bled at all since that night. Call it coincidence, call it a result of bedrest, but I believe God heard and answered the countless prayers being said for our baby. Do I know what He ultimately has is store for this baby? No. I could still lose this baby at any moment. But I know that my God is good, that He loves us, and that He is the creator of life. He may still allow us to lose this baby, but today I am thankful for the miracle He has performed in this baby's life already. Tomorrow, I will be 19 weeks. At 21 weeks, I have another ultrasound scheduled. Four weeks ago, I didn't think I'd ever get to say that I am 19 weeks. And I especially didn't think that 21 weeks would seem not that far away. I'm still praying for my baby and praying for a miracle. But I have peace that, no matter the outcome, God has a plan that is good.
3 comments:
What a testimony Jen! My heart breaks and rejoices with you in each day! Continued prayers my friend!
This song has been one of my favorites. "Ever be" (live) by Bethel Music...play loud. :)
Oh Jen, if anyone can get through this troubling time, it's you. You have such a strong and supportive family and they will all help get you through this. You are one tough cookie, hang in there.
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