Daring to Hope...

Just like any struggle in life, it's hard to imagine what it is like to go through something unless you have experienced it yourself.  So when I admit that it has taken a few days for God to bring me to a place where I can allow myself to hope for and pray for a miracle, please don't judge.  It's not a lack of faith.  I believe 100% that God can work a miracle and save this baby.  Do I know for sure that He will?  No.  But He has brought me to a place where I can pray fervently for my baby to survive.  Yes, the doctors are telling me it does not look good.  At best, there is maybe a 10% chance this baby will survive, medically speaking.  But for now, my precious child is hanging on.  And until that's not the case, I will hope and fight and pray that I will, one day, hold my baby in my arms.  At first, it was too scary to let my heart hope.  After all, there is still that 90% chance (medically speaking) that I will lose this baby.  But God has slowly been bringing me to a place of peace in hoping for a miracle.  And then today, a friend of ours from high school called my sister to say that she had gone through similar circumstances with her second child (Hi, Mary!).  I've heard of women who had to be on bed rest, but never for this long.  So to know that somebody else has walked in similar shoes and understands the mental, emotional, and physical struggle that this is, and in the end their baby defied the odds and SURVIVED was just the bit of encouragement I needed to allow myself to fully hope.   Thanks for reaching out, Mary.  Maybe one day we can start a support group! ;)

Anyway, as I sit here in the living room chair praying for a miracle, this is my view outside.  There will come a day, eventually, when I can get out and fly a kite with my boy again.  For now, he's happy doing it with Daddy and Gramma:



Also, my dear husband brought me my dinner tonight.  Technically I am allowed to go to the dinner table to eat dinner with my family, but tonight nobody was hungry at the same time, so I just ate in my chair (we have Grandpa to thank for that because he let the boys order LARGE Blizzards from Dairy Queen this afternoon!!).


P.S.  I feel like I should clarify what "bed rest" means in my case.  No, I don't have to spend all day laying in my bed (Obviously. You know, the whole dinner explanation above).  I get to take a bath, and then spend the day in the living room in a chair or on the couch. I am allowed to get up to use the restroom and to eat dinner with my family.  Maybe the rules will change a bit as we go, but for now that's what bed rest looks like.