I kinda feel like I need to vent a little bit about 2 things, the first being Owen turning into a 2 year old. I know that children are supposed to come to a place where they begin to exert their will and express their likes, dislikes, desires, etc., but I don't know that I'm fully prepared to be on top of the behavior ALL the time! At times, I really wish I were a better parent. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I am a pretty stinking good mom most of the time, but then there are times where I fail. Times where I give in to his tantrums and whining because I don't have any fight left in me. For example: the pacifier incident I blogged about a while back. I probably SHOULD have stuck to taking it away from him and just endured night after night of his crying...but I didn't...I gave in. I didn't want to fight the battle. I wanted to sleep. And then there's the church nursery issue. The kid will NOT stay in the nursery without screaming his head off....and believe me, we have TRIED!!! After weeks on end, actually months on end, of nursery being a disaster and Owen being the only child in the place crying through the entire service, this week we gave in. We brought him into the sanctuary with us. I probably SHOULD have made him stay in for yet another week of screaming so that he knows we're in control and he's not, but I couldn't bear it. I gave in. And now I feel like all those weeks of crying and the tiny bit of progress that was made went down the tube because we gave in. And the biggest and most consistent battle we face on a VERY regular basis is meal time. There are times when our sweet little boy will not eat a SINGLE thing that wasn't his idea. Even if it's his favorite. He will turn his head, kick his legs, and scream bloody murder if you try to get him to eat something that YOU want him to eat. UUGGHH!! Sure, he'd eat crackers all day if we let him, but I don't want to do that. I want to sit him down at meal time, let him eat the meal that the whole family is eating, and that will be that. Oh, don't I wish! There are times (times where he eats everything in sight) where it works, and then there are times where it turns into a complete disaster. For example, there have been numerous occasions where Owen refused the dinner in front of him so we sent him to bed hungry because we don't want him to learn that he can just have whatever he wants for dinner. And then, after being sent to bed hungry, he wakes up at 2:00 AM starving and asking to get "up" "eat". So we bring him into bed with us, and after an hour of him laying there wide awake I give up, make him a bowl of oatmeal, feed it to him, and he goes back to bed without a peep. These are my weakest times...times where I just want sleep and don't have it in me to remain the one in control and the one who is consistent. And EVERY single time I give in like this, I feel like a complete failure of a parent. I firmly believe that kids need consistency and if you waiver in discipline and only address issues at certain times and not others that it will not work...at all. But then, I'm only human...and sometimes I fail...and sometimes I let Owen win...and then I feel like we're going to end up with a terror and spoiled rotten kid on our hands. C.J. just reminded me that he's on his way to being 2 and we're going to have a million and a half more battles to fight and we can't win them all...and I
know that, and I
know there's a lot of grace in being a parent, and I
know that he'll probably be just fine in the end, but that doesn't always make the process any easier. I write all of this to say that parenting is a LOT of work. I love our little boy more than I ever thought imaginable, and that just makes it all that much more important to me to do the right thing. But sometimes I don't, like tonight...he was offered some chicken pot pie for dinner and started screaming and shaking his head no before he even tried one single bite. And after telling him probably 10 times he had to try ONE bite, I gave up and gave him his favorite no-chewing-necessary Gerber vegetables. I justified this decision because he just had his shots today and the doc said he'd have a decrease in appetite, head ache, fever, etc....so I felt sorry for him and just wanted him to eat SOMETHING. The problem is, I am fully aware that every single time I give in and give him what he wants, it only makes the next time even harder. Ugh! The cycle goes on...
And now the second item, which actually really ties in to the previous discussion: Owen is losing weight. Well, he's not actually LOSING weight, he's just not in the 99th percentile for weight any more. When he was born, he weighed a whopping 9lbs. 3 oz. (yeah, try pushing that out in 29 minutes!). He's always been a really big kid...above the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Until today. Today he measured in the 98th percentile for height and only the 60th for weight. I know kids have growth spurts, and in the past during the times where he refuses to eat anything, I have just chalked it up to "one of those times." But now I'm a little worried. He's probably just fine and he's still heavier than 60% of other kids his age, but as his Mama, I'm a little worried. And it only makes the eating struggle even worse because now I feel like he really NEEDS to eat and I'll have to do whatever it takes to get him to...
So that's my venting for today. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think I'm a terrible mom. It's just that when you become a parent, you realize you'll never be good enough. There's ALWAYS something more you could be doing that you're not, or something you shouldn't be doing that you are. But the good in all of it is that (at least in my experience) nothing will teach you to put your trust in God more than being a parent. Thankfully, I can trust that God will use my best efforts (and inadequacies that come with them) to bring Owen up into the man He has created him to be. My hope and prayer is that, in spite of the times that I fail Owen as his human mother, that he will grow up to love his Lord and that his character will manifest that love. Today, I am humbled...
2 comments:
Oh Jen, I've been there trust me. First of all, as my mother always says, you have to pick your battles. Important things like not hitting other kids, being polite to others, potty training. Those are the important ones. Everything else is gravy. Brady didn't get rid of his binky until he was over 2 1/2 and he's a normal kid now. My biggest fear is people not wanting my kids around because they don't behave. Ryker doesn't eat either, but he eats when he's ready. I just try to make sure when he does eat he eats a well rounded meal with a protein, veggie, and starch. If he eats a bigger lunch than dinner, than make his lunch his main meal of the day instead of dinner. Just do your best and that's all that matters. I have no doubt that Owen will grow up to be a great kid b/c he has great parents. PS All kids start to even out weight wise around the age of two. It's a good thing that he's not in the 90th percential anymore, it means he probably won't be an overweight child. You will notice that he won't grow as fast now and that's normal, nothing to worry about. He will hit random growth spurts and you will swear that he woke up taller then when he went to bed. Hope this makes sense. My mom also says that it's pretty hard to discipline a kid into eating at this age. Hang in there, it gets easier.
Hey Jen. You are a great mommy and God choose you over all the other mommies he could have chose. Raising children is one of the biggest joys and blessings, but it's also extremely humbling and refining. You are doing a GREAT job. You are doing your best...and really that is all you can do. Your first child is sort of an experimental genie pig. I can relate to everything you said. When my oldest was 2 and-a-half, I think they were ready to suspend him from Sunday School. Just remember that a strong will is a GOOD thing. You just have to channel it. Start talking about self -control now.
Trust God to give you patience and wisdom one day at a time, and remember His mercies are new every morning.
You are an awesome mommy Jen! Keep up the hard work. It will pay off.
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