Pacifier Woes...(for those who care to listen)

Owen is now 17 months old.  Not really a baby anymore, but certainly not really a kid either.  Throughout these past 17 months, he has become quite attached to his pacifier when it comes to nap time and bed time.  I kept telling myself all along that at 18 months we would get rid of the thing...so I stupidly decided that yesterday might be as good a day as any to have a whack at this battle.  Oh dear me, do I regret that decision.  Our approach was this:  snip the end of the pacifier, present it to Owen when it wasn't time to sleep and say "uh-oh, your pacifier is broken" in an attempt to make it a somewhat exciting/acceptable event...that way, when it came sleeping time we could just say "oh no, the pacifier is broken" and he would be totally fine with it.  Yeah right!  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Owen had turned into the most peaceful child when it came time for bed...we would read for a while, rock while singing songs, and then we would just lay him in his crib and he would proceed to fall right to sleep without a single peep (pacifier in tow).  It really was AWESOME!  Yeah, so back to getting rid of it.  First nap time rolls around, and I try to put Owen down without the pacifier.  After about 10 minutes of major fussing in my lap (which NEVER happens anymore) I decide to just put him in the crib and make him tough it out.  30 minutes and a whole bunch of screaming later, he's asleep.  But I think to myself, "it will get better, that was just the first time."  Bed time last night: I was gone so C.J. had the honors of continuing our efforts.  According to his report it went pretty well: Owen cried for about 20 minutes, C.J. had to go in a few times to calm him down and eventually he fell asleep.  I'm now thinking "awesome, maybe this won't be so bad after all."  And then this morning came around.  So typically Owen will wake up anywhere between 4:00 and 5:00 am.  He's not ready to wake up, we just go into his room and put the pacifier back in because he usually spits it out once he's asleep...with the pacifier back in his mouth, he then sleeps until about 6:00 or 6:30, a perfectly reasonable time to wake up.  Well this morning, he woke up at 5:00 screaming and basically didn't stop.  We brought him into bed with us which usually leads to some awesome cuddling time...but no, more screaming.  It was bad news.  Our morning then leads to chaos because he is overly tired and can't maintain any sort of composure.  Now on a normal day, he peacefully goes down for a nap (he sometimes even ASKS for a nap) anywhere between like 10:00 or 11:00 and sleeps for a good 2 hours.  Not today.  My first attempt was at 10:00 and it only led to a whole bunch of screaming and asking to get "up."  Luckily for Owen, Oliver and Jack came over about this time so I decided to get him up to play since going down for a nap with his cousins over would be pretty much impossible.  So after some good play time and after the cousins left, I tried the nap again at 1:30.  TOTAL AND COMPLETE DISASTER!!!  I really want to stress that Owen had become basically the best sleeper in the world in the past like 6 months.  And now I am beginning to realize that the good sleeper is no longer anywhere in sight...which makes me REALLY start regretting the decision to end the pacifier.  The afternoon continues to be extremely challenging because Owen only slept for 30 minutes total the entire day.  By this point, I am almost in tears (partly from being overly tired myself) and want to just give it up and let the boy have the beloved pacifier back.  But, my husband and sister keep reminding me that he has to get rid of it at some point and we've already come this far...so just keep at it.  And then tonight rolled around.  He basically cried in his crib for a good 30 minutes before falling asleep (although the crying would kind of come and go at times)...not good, but not horrible either.  After only about 45 minutes of sleeping, he wakes up crying and will NOT go back to sleep.  I then go in his room to rub his back because our typical course of action when he wakes up like this is to put the pacifier back in and he quickly goes back to sleep.  As I am sitting there patting his back he is doing the same crying that comes and goes and I realize that the lulls in crying are a result of him SUCKING HIS THUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The minute I realized what was going on, you better believe I stuck that pacifier right back in his mouth in about .2 seconds!  Seriously, the pacifier is a battle in itself, but the thumb can't ever be taken away.  I'd much rather have my child sucking on a pacifier that can (I guess when he older and doesn't need to suck so bad?) be taken away than on his thumb that is available to him permanently.  So, here we are back at square one.  And I feel like a total failure because I gave in to this whole ordeal and didn't hold strong....but to be honest, I don't think I was really ready for it, especially when I had FINALLY gotten to a place where I was getting some good sleep again. So there you have it:  my 17 month old got his pacifier back and will probably have it for a good 6 more months before we try attempt #2 at getting rid of it.  I mean really, at this point we kind of HAVE to wait a while...at least until he forgets about this whole escapade so that when we finally do go through with it he won't just say "yeah right" to himself!    AHHHH!  I tell you, some people make parenting look SO easy.  Who knew you, as the parent, would have emotional break downs over such trivial issues as how to get rid of a pacifier?  Before I became a mom, I totally would have said "tough luck, you'll be just fine without it.  Crying never hurt a kid."  Oh, how I have changed!  Let me just say that it is WAY different when it is your own child you're dealing with.

P.S.  I have to confess that I am secretly SO glad he started sucking his thumb because I REALLY wanted a good excuse to just give the pacifier back to him...and what do you know?  I got one.  And yes, I am FULLY aware that it's not going to get any easier later, but right now I don't care.  I just want some sleep tonight.  There, I said it.